Ben & I, in the words of Ben’s best friend are “the male and female version of one another”. We just really get each other and we just work! Honestly, our relationship itself has been so easy. We are now almost 8 years in and we still to this day never fallen out… TOUCH WOOD.
I already knew that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS, I had never experienced “normal” menstrual cycles, I didn’t even start my period until I was 15 years old, that in itself probably should have rang alarm bells, So I was very aware that I did not want to do anything that would make things worse or that would cause me any issues in the future. Therefore, one day I casually said to Ben that I would like to come off of the pill, I didn’t want it messing around with my body anymore and for my hormones to turn against me one day. Ben, being the understanding human that he is, agreed.
The decision was made, I came off the pill! We both understood that without a lot of effort it was unlikely that I would get pregnant, but if it did happen we certainly wouldn’t have been unhappy about it. Obviously from this point on there was a part of me wishing secretly that I would get pregnant.
The time of this happening, the “coming off of contraception” time is the point in my mind that we started “Trying to conceive” (TTC). Although we weren’t really trying, we had just stopped trying to not get pregnant. This was the start of September 2013.
I think it is safe for me to say that when a woman says that she isn’t thinking about it too much, she most certainly is thinking about it too much. After all, as young girls we are taught “if you have unprotected sex, you will get pregnant!” Well, Mrs. Jones, I have some news for you – That’s not fucking true!
Nobody teaches you that actually, getting pregnant is a FUCKING MIRACLE! The likelihood of having a one night stand, and that night in question just so happening to be the sweet spot of your cycle, is pretty bloody slim. Lets say the odds are around 28:1 for arguments sake.
Because of the way we are taught, women are made to feel like shit and like a failure when they don’t get those two lines in cycle 1/2/3 and so on after coming off of contraception. And this my friends, is where the obsession begins.
Bring on the vitamins, eleventy one different types of vitamins, the ovulation sticks, the cycle tracking apps, because one is never enough. Bring on the endless googling, the standing on your head after sex, we have all done it, don’t be shy. I am not ashamed to admit, that before now I have asked Ben to dangle me upside down from my feet and shake me. Yep, you heard that right… And yes, the answer to your question is yes, he did indeed perform that action perfectly… and more than once I may add.
I had never been able to get a positive ovulation test, no matter how hard I squinted. So off I went to see a doctor. I told him of my not so normal, extra long cycles, my lack of ovulation signs and also the fact I had not gotten pregnant in over a year of being off of contraception.
Of course, I was sent away with a printed off tips sheet and was told … “You are still so young, you have plenty of time. Come back in a year if nothing changes”
This sentence was about to become THE STORY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!
Tough Times & Chasing Lines 